Smoking

I started smoking at 16, getting pissed and smoking after school over the park.
I'd often meet up with some mates, even if they were not on it, I'd get on it. Super tenants as well. Fuck me. I couldn't handle that stuff now.
I used to drink 2 cans and be proper fucked outta my face!
This is when I played with smoking.
It wasn't till I started working full time that I started smoking full time. If I'm honest with myself, I did it to fit in with my work mates.
Mug!!
I smoked around 20 a day. This intensified when I was out drinking. I had proper yellow fingers.
Great look for a 17 year old.
It soon became a part of my life.
In pubs it would be sup your drink, lug on the fag. All night.
I used to play sunday league football. Great times, may I add. Everyone else would be having an orange at half time. I'd be lighting up a fag. Shit, looking back It wasn't big. I was a twat

The biggest thing that has held me back throughout my life has been the smoking.
Everyone makes choices. Even little choices, like what shall I eat? Or shall I have a fag!
This choice was always for another fag. In october last year i took a picture of myself with my newborn baby. To be honest, I was shocked. I don't spend all day looking in mirrors or having my picture done.
I had lost so much weight, I looked ill. I had never looked so bad in all my life. There was a dodgy man I didn't recognise in the picture with my girl.

I knew it was the fags doing it and with my precious baby in my arms, id give anything for being apart of her life. For longer and for fitter.
My kids and my Mrs are the most important thing to me.
I decided right there and then, that I had to stop. Make a change.

I went to the doctors and did the non smoking course, with the tablets. After 10 days, November 6th 2011 I had my last fag. The tablets were making me feel sick, terrible. I've never known a mind fuck like it. It totally messed my head up.
I couldn't sleep, kept on feeling sick and throwing up. My epilepsy was pushing me hard to have a seizure but I managed to control it.
I make it sound easy. But stopping
Smoking was the biggest challenge I've had in my life. Any smoker can not smoke for a day, but try a week from 20-30 a day. Then try a month.
Many do not succeed. Not because they are weak, but because they are not ready.

From going from no food throughout the day to 5 curly wurlys, a full English breakfast and picking all day. I put on weight fast. I don't know how much.
But now I am 2 sizes bigger in my clothes and I have flab! Yes for the 1st time in my life, I have flab. And I love it. When I run, I wobble!
I've never been like this before, I know I'm overweight now and I'm constantly getting the piss taken out of me. But I don't care, I have gone through hell to get here and I know I have a long way to go. I still have not controlled my eating and drinking.
I need to control that and get fit. This will be my next step.
And I must stress to you, that although it's been months since I stopped smoking. I think of fags everyday. I could quite easily have a fag now.
I still often wake up in the night wanting a fag and live through the nightmares.

People often ask me "how long have you stopped for?" well, I never count the days as its the past. I always look forward. I take everyday as it comes and fight the urges of fags, when I get that nibble wanting one.
Like I said quit day 6 November 2011
Still winning!